People age but most of them cannot grow and mature. Mature people ought to have self-control.
Your anger may have hurt you many times and effect your life negatively. But don’t worry if you no longer want to harm anyone. You can handle your anger if you are determined.
I know it’s not easy and there is A LOT to learn.
You may be someone with a low anger threshold. Actually, what makes you angry and how you react when you get angry depends on your temperament and upbringing. But of course, it is possible you to change your relationship with anger completely. If you understand the reasons behind it, it will be easier to manage your anger.
Do you ask yourself “Why am I so angry”? This post is going to be about how to prevent getting angry. When you already feel angry, you may not want to quench your anger because anger tends to justify itself. So, if you’re calm now, this might be the best time to work on your anger. (Still, the next post will be about what to do when you are angry.)
Make a Commitment with Yourself
The first and foremost step you can take is making an agreement with yourself. You need to sincerely decide not to upset yourself or no one around you again because of your anger. Agree with yourself on not shouting or breaking a heart any more.
In the previous post, I said that anger is not an emotion. Anger is a signal and there may be various feelings behind it like sadness, disappointment, heartbreak… There might be many different hidden reasons. You may feel guilty and be angry with yourself. People may make you feel angry or you may be angry with social issues. Every rage is different, but I’m sure you’ll find something useful below.
Remember You Are Loved and Precious
You should decide not being touchy. If you don’t forget that people around you love and value you, it helps about your touchiness. But you love yourself and you value yourself first. It’s okay to be criticized. Nobody is perfect. We’re developing day by day.
Seek the reasons of your touchiness if you feel so. Do you feel worthless? Maybe you have an inferiority complex?
When you are offended, ask this question to yourself: Did he really mean what am I assuming? If your family or friends complain too much of your touchiness, it may be necessary for you to get therapy. Then you can find the roots of it.
Don’t be Arrogant
Arrogance is one of the reasons of touchiness. If you ask “How could she do this to me?” frequently, it might be because you are arrogant. Your ego makes you to ask that question. Mistakes can be made to anyone. Don’t take them personally. Remember what people did to prophets in history. Maybe you need to lower your expectations from people.
Everybody Make Mistakes
Your expectations may be the reason why you always get angry. If you want people to do the right thing all the time you will surely be disappointed. Just keep in mind that we, as human being, are weak by nature and tend to do wrong. We all are wounded. We all have scars, traumas, fears, insecurities… Also, it’s not possible us to know the correct thing to do in every case. We may get confused about how to react. If you accept that you’ll become more kind both to yourself and the others. So the mistakes that are made might not affect your mood that often.
Try to Understand People
Actually, there is a word in my mother tongue that has no English equivalent. It’s an adjective. We use it to describe people who are understanding & kind and not seeing flaws of others. These people are absolutely not tolerating. Here we have two different concepts. Tolerating is putting up with things. But I’m talking about having a nice approach. If you have it, you don’t get angry very much.
Just love people. Embrace them. Don’t hate. Don’t marginalize anyone. It might not possible to understand every single person but at least try it. When someone does wrong, just try looking for the reasons. Does she anxious, scared or upset? Does she think that she is not loved? Does she misunderstand things?
It’s much easier to understand people you know. Because you’re familiar with their past. You might know their scars, fears or whatever it is. Knowing them helps you to find reasons of their faults. So, it’s easier being gentle with them. On the other side, there will always be people you don’t have any idea of their life. In this case, you could say “Okay, he must have some experiences…” Don’t judge, look from a different aspect, try to understand.
For sure, understanding people also get angry. It takes time and effort to be able to manage anger.
Relax Yourself When You Feel Nervous
People who decided to control their anger, have a positive perspective, know they’re loved, love other people, have no higher expectations; who are confident, peaceful with themselves, kind, gentle, understanding… they get angry less than people who are not. Besides, if somebody knows what he wants and what he doesn’t want, lives his life accordingly his dreams, realize himself, gives importance to his mental health, solves his problems on time most likely lives a calm and pleasing life.
However, we all feel nervous sometimes. If we don’t relax ourselves, a trivial reason might ruffle our temper then. That’s why when you get nervous you should do relax yourself. Everybody knows what relaxes them: Taking deep breaths, walking, running, exercising, meditating, stretching, taking a shower, drinking water, drinking herbal teas, listening relaxing music, watching funny videos, writing, maybe reading… You won’t be wasting your time while you’re doing these activities. Whatever calms your nerves, do it. Just relax your muscles. Things that makes you laugh also may help you to calm.
Learn What Triggers You
Are you get angry because of the same reasons all the time? Find out what triggers your anger. Why these things trigger you? You may study on them by writing. Find the automatic thoughts that come to your mind when you triggered. Write down the negative ideas and judgements. Are them realistic?
Decide what to do when you triggered. You may prepare some kind responses to give. So, you could avoid having arguments. Try it, especially for controversial topics. If there is no point why you waste your time and energy?
There are people who likes triggering others and making them angry. Stay away from this type of people around you if it’s possible.
Don’t Delay Solving Problems
What are the things in your life that you’re not happy with? What makes you sad, worried, angry, disappointed? What would you like to change?
Don’t wait until everything get worse for change. Don’t be lazy. If you don’t solve your problems today, it will be more difficult and wearing to do tomorrow. Consider getting therapy if it’s necessary. Don’t wait till you have deep depression. Don’t shy away from talking to people about problems. Talk gently to solve your problems. Let them you know they hurt you. Let them you know they made you angry. Let them apologize.
If people around you complain about you, listen them carefully. Don’t slur over. Do accept your faults. Say them you’re sorry. You listen them before they get steamed up. Make sure you’re fulfilling your responsibilities. Ask them their expectations form you. Come to an agreement with them. But listen, listen, listen… This is what matters most.
Listen both yourself -your inner voices- and the other people.