We all have different temperaments. Some of us can be extremely selfish, on the other hand some of us tend to consistently compromise on our beloved ones. But to what extent should someone be compromised in her relationships? What is the limit of altruism or selfishness?
In Europe or the USA, people are act more individually compared to the Middle East. In the society I live in, altruism is praised and individuality is considered as selfishness. In Turkey, like the other Mediterranean countries, social relationships are quite important. Here, the opinions of others are more important than the individual’s own wishes. Especially in smaller settlements and more rural areas. That’s why the people here always compromise themselves.
However, compromise is not the same as doing good. Compromise is making sacrifice.
And, sacrifice breeds anger.
To sacrifice is to offer what is your right to someone else. This is doing self-injustice for others. It’s not caring about yourself and not giving yourself the value you deserve. Only those do this who don’t have self-confidence, who don’t love themselves, who haven’t been taught their own value in childhood.
We can do good, but nobody should be expected to sacrifice. Of course, parents compromise to some extent their own wishes, until their children grow up. Because having a child is a responsibility. On the other hand, it is not good to sacrifice even for our parents and siblings.
I’ll tell you why.
While man compromises himself, he actually does evil to both himself and the other.
He does evil to himself because he gives his own to the other. He does harm to the other person because his sacrifice irritates him against the other person and because he takes the responsibility of that person and makes life easier for that person.
If we assume the responsibilities of a person, we won’t do that person a favor since we prevent that person from improving. People can only progress by fulfilling their responsibilities, straining, struggling, and trying again and again.
Besides, we begin to feel hostile to the people we sacrificed. Thus, our relationship gets worse over time.
If we want to be loved or help people, we should encourage people in their struggles rather than compromise on ourselves.
When making a decision, we must ask ourselves if we really want it. Are we making this decision for someone else? We should not ignore our own wishes.
We all have our own lives.
The free man is not the one who does what he wants; but the one who doesn’t do what he doesn’t want to do.
It may be necessary to make some sacrifices for our loved ones, sometimes. Actually I also make MANY sacrifices and compromise myself. That’s how I was raised, unfortunately.
But we have to make sure we don’t exceed the limit.